April Update

Can't believe it's already April! My eczema has gone through a bunch of flares and I've started back up at uni and placement, and everything's a bit hectic at the moment (but not too hectic as I am an expert in denial and procrastination).

Elidel

I suppose the most important thing to note is that I went through a course of Elidel cream, a prescription non-steroid cream. Since my bad reaction to steroid cream, I had been adverse to trying other medicinal options but honestly, I'm just so fed up with eczema now. Anyway, at the advice of a GP, I used it twice a day for two weeks. While it certainly had a great effect in lessening the red irritation, the dryness remained and the patches didn't really go away. After I ceased using the cream, I inevitably fell back into the cycle of mild-moderate flares, especially with the addition of stress and reduced sleep now that I'm back at uni and starting placement. My current plan is possibly going to a dermatologist and seeking their opinion on whether continuing Elidel for a longer period of time may be an option (of note, there has been research to suggest that long term use of Elidel has been linked with an increased incidence of malignancies such as skin cancer. However a cause and effect relationship has not been established.)

Moisturisers

In terms of looking after my skin, I'm looking for new moisturisers at the moment. Unfortunately, my skin hero, Lush Dream Cream, as ceased to have an amazing effect on my skin :( I imagine it's because my skin has adapted and apparently this is quite common. As such, I'm trying a few samples here and there but so far nothing too amazing. I did actually end up revisiting Avène Rich Skin Recovery Cream and found something interesting. On the non-flaring dry patches, it would actually make them drier in the morning (particularly after I've used a scrub) but in a way that the dry, dead skin would flake off and new smooth skin would be underneath! Unfortunately, the latter would become rashy and dry again in a few days and the cycle would continue, so not really sure what to make of it? Anyway, I think I'll give repurchasing the cream a pass, and explore other options - I've actually just bought First Aid Beauty Ultra Repair Cream online so fingers crossed it's my next Dream Cream.

Face Masks

I also finally gave face masks a go. I used the Tony Moly Pureness 100 Hyaluronic Mask and while my skin did not react badly (aside from some patches of flared eczema feeling a bit tingly), it didn't really do anything. I was very tempted to buy the First Aid Beauty Ultra Repair Oatmeal Mask but thought I would refrain since the reviews were mixed and perhaps I should stick with simple, DIY masks? Not sure, and would be grateful for some opinions.


So in sum, I'm not really sure what I'm doing about my eczema at the moment, but it's been looking okay after a recent flare (i.e. not horrific) and I just generally feel like I'm dealing with each flare-up as it comes, as tiring as it is. I'm contemplating using a toner again as I've heard some good things but I'm a little hesitant about whether it would just be adding another product into my routine which isn't actually needed.

Sorry for the poorly structured post, I just felt like unloading everything that's been circling around my mind these past couple of months. I hope everyone is doing okay out there!

Update on skincare routine

So my skincare routine has been a bit erratic lately. I confess, I think I'm starting to become a bit of a skincare junkie, buying new products without having the patience to finishing old ones. Though to my credit, I am still using the Sukin Sensitive Cleansing Lotion and Lush Dream Cream because well, I'm determined to finish the cleansing lotion since it's only a small bottle and the dream cream is a staple of mine. I've also added on:

Rosehip Plus Pure Rosehip Oil

I've heard alot of great things about rosehip oil being moisturising for eczema. I'm using this one by Rosehip Plus, which is fairly affordable compared with other brands ($16.99 for 30ml at Chemist Warehouse). It doesn't react with my skin, and seems to be reasonably moisturising, though to be honest I couldn't definitively say whether it's making a substantial difference to my skin, since it's been doing okay lately. I tend to use this at night after cleanser and before moisturiser.

*Note: I've found that during the warmer months, this oil would be too much for my skin and I would break out

Frank Body Creamy Facial Scrub

Sooo there has been alot of hype about Frank Body on Instagram, the magical tool for success for companies. They market their coffee-based products as being great for problem skin such as eczema, acne, etc and even have a tag on instagram, #frankfeedback, where people upload before and after pictures that boast of their success. Most of the hype surrounds their original body scrub, but I opted to try their facial scrub. It's meant to be used 2-3 times a week and so far, I have to say it's been pretty good for my skin. It includes ground coffee to scrub away dry skin, as well as moisturising agents such as rosehip, coconut, almond and grapeseed oils. It doesn't feel too harsh, and although it does make my eczema a bit red if I'm going through a mini flare, it's fine and smooth in the morning. Amazingly, this line actually originated from right here in Melbourne (for once) and it's only $19.95 for a 125ml bottle with free shipping yay! I'm super keen to try their Creamy Face Cleanser but as I've said, I'm determined to finish my current one!

Eucerin Aquaphor Healing Ointment - Advanced Therapy

So I've had this sitting in my drawer for a while but have only started using it on my eczema in the last couple of months. Whenever I put it on parts of my eczema-y face at night (not my whole face as it has the consistency of Vaseline and is therefore greasy and heavy), I wake up in the morning with it being much better and less irritated. I have also found that this is the only thing that heals my nipple eczema relatively quickly (a night) and keeps it moisturised and (until I scratch the wounds back open or wear a bra that is). Unfortunately, I couldn't find this specific product in Australia so had someone buy this for me from America. Guess I'll just pay a higher price for this on Amazon as I'm definitely going to repurchase it.



I've also tried a couple of new products but found that they didn't work for me.
La Roche-Posay Toleriane Dermo-Cleanser: It did the trick well enough, but would make my face feel tight and sting when I used it during a flare, no matter how mild.
Sukin Facial Treatment Oil: As much as I wanted to like this, I just didn't. I felt that it didn't moisturise my face that much and would irritate some of my eczema.
Shiseido Ultimune Power Infusing Concentrate: My friend recommended this and I was able to get a sample of it to try. While it didn't react badly with my skin, I didn't feel that it had any positive impact. Perhaps I have to use it for a longer period of time, but I don't think I'll be taking that gamble since it's a bit steep in price.
Kiehl's Ultra Facial Cream: I only tried a sample of this over the course of a week or two. My skin didn't react badly but I didn't feel like it really improved my skin

Hello again!

So two months of silence, I am back! October was a busy month with exams and my introductory chapter submissions, and then all of November I was in Europe :) It was super great over there, I ate too much, walked everywhere and can now say that I've travelled by myself (and really enjoyed it).

Overall, my skin was surprisingly better behaved than I thought it would be. While it didn't magically heal like when I went to Japan, it was a somewhat calmer version of what it's like at home. My face was horribly rashy after my flights though, even though I moisturised on the plane (total flight time of 21 hours from Melbourne to Paris, this is what I get for living on a far away island). However, after the week or so it took to completely calm down, it was alright, only flaring when I had alcohol too many days in a row (sangria, I love you). Although, the skin on my legs did start to get a bit cranky even though I don't usually get eczema there (except very occasionally behind the knees). They started becoming dry, red and itchy, probably due to the linen in the places where I was staying. However, they healed up fine and are back to normal now, so no long term woes. Now that I'm back home, my face isn't bad either, probably as I'm on holidays and perhaps due to some new products I'm using? I'll do an update later today :)

Hope everyone's doing well during this Christmas period!

Feeling a bit down...

Hi there, so so far, I've been trying to keep things positive on this blog but I guess that's not at all realistic of how I cope with eczema during my day to day life. So as I've said in a previous post, I've been feeling very stressed from uni and as a result, my eczema has flared up (there may be other triggers, but I believe that that is one of the main ones). I believe this has been the longest flare I've experienced since I've started using Lush's Dream Cream. And it's just been really frustrating for me, because I feel like I'm taking about three steps back, with my face being rashy and red again. Also, the eczema's definitely spreading and no matter how much I moisturise, it doesn't seem to prevent it. It's just so frustrating because I don't know what to do. I mean I'm sure stress makes it worse, but the fact that it's worse further fuels my stress - it's this horrible cycle. So this makes me stress about how far it's going to spread (down my neck? All the way behind my ears?). And it also makes me stress about how I'm going to cope in November, when I'm in Europe - is my eczema going to be ridiculously horrible there? Is it going to flare up in response to food and alcohol? How is it even going to survive the 20+ hour plane ride? And then I start thinking about the ramifications for future parts of my life. How's it going to cope when I travel to other places? What's going to happen when my hormones go out of whack if I'm pregnant in the future? Are my poor children going to be plagued by this too?

I'm also frustrated at the fact that I am frustrated, because I thought I'd learnt to cope better with having eczema (see mindfulness post). But I guess it's easy to feel good about how I manage my emotions in relation to eczema when it's not flaring up. There's also an angry part of me that doesn't want to learn to manage better, I just want so very desperately to be "normal". It's so infuriating that the eczema on my neck, hands and behind my ears have healed fine (neck and ears without any particular cream), but not the freaking eczema on my face?? Are you kidding me?? It's as if I feel that I could cope with ANYTHING in my life, as long as my skin was back to normal. That's ALL I want. And then that sees me playing would-you-rather games in my mind (e.g. would you rather eczema or asthma/hayfever/acne) and that just drives me crazy. I'm actually driving myself crazy. Because I know that even if my skin returned to normal, I would just find something else to be anxious about, because it's human nature to take things for granted.

I guess it's difficult, because on one hand, I'm hopeful and focussed on eradicating my eczema, and am trying to be positive about it. On the other hand, this may well be a chronic disease that's going to persevere through my life. And what am I meant to do, spiral into an anxious depressed state every time it flares? It's like how mindfulness can help people with chronic depression or anxiety, or any kind of chronic mental/physical illness - you can't necessarily control how the disorder fluctuates, but you can control how you respond to it. I'm just struggling alot with it at the moment, and am also struggling feeling like I have no one to talk to about it sometimes, because I already talk about my eczema so much. It's just repetitive and boring for people who don't have eczema, like they don't know what to say or do to make me feel better, because truthfully whatever they say, I probably won't listen. Which also brings me to another point - that I've had people say to me that they don't notice it at all (people other than my boyfriend whose words I would doubt because well, you can't agree with your girlfriend that her skin is shit, can you?). And this honestly surprises me, particularly when they say it on what I perceive to be a very bad skin day. I mean, I know we all obsess about our own skin and our own perceived blemishes, but I guess I have always felt that my eczema is so blatantly obvious, everyone is probably thinking about how shockingly horrible I look and how they can't stand to look at me. Plus, I myself notice when other people have eczema, but I guess that's because I'm so obsessed with skin, that I'm more attune to it and people who aren't eczema-obsessed don't notice it as much/at all? I guess I can find some solace in the fact that I can overexaggerate how horrible I look on a particular day, thereby fuelling my anxiety for no reason at all. Though even if I am having an objectively very rashy, very pus-y day, what even is the point in making myself feel so bad about my appearance? It's an easy answer to that, I just wish it was as easy to enact in real life.

Update

So unfortunately due to stress, my eczema has worsened and is spreading over my face, down my jaw and creeping behind my right ear :( I am not a fan of this at all. The crappy thing is that once eczema spreads to a new part of my face, I typically don't get that part back completely eczema-free - it just stays dry or flares up during a bad period.

I'm also still trying to figure out how to control my nipple eczema. Of course, it's a little hard when I scratch it every night and wake up to a bleeding, pus-y mess :/ it's usually okay if I'm at home for a few days straight because I'm not wearing a bra and my nipples can very gradually heal without the constant friction and I can douse them periodically in cream and oil. However, once I do start wearing bras again, by the second day, my nipples are a mess again. So any long-term suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Bad flares

So I've been really stressed from uni lately. That plus < 7 hours sleep (don't judge me, I need at least 8) means FLARES. And while I'm not completely distraught over them because let's face it, I have more pressing matters to worry about at the moment, it's still incredibly frustrating. Yes, here I am feeling really anxious and stressed, let's chuck in a flare or two to really liven things up! Even better, let's make them appear on previously 'healed' skin, just as a reminder that eczema will always be hiding there below the surface!

And while we're at it, another trigger I strongly dislike is alcohol. All I want to do is have literally one drink when I'm out at dinner and my face flares for the rest of the week. I have no idea what it is about alcohol lately, but my skin really, really hates it. Of note, during my last bout of eczema (second half of last year), my skin did not actually suffer post-alcohol  barring some mildly dry skin (we're talking max. 5 standard drinks on one occasion). And even May this year when I went to a 21st and had a lot to drink (maybe 6?), there wasn't a massive change in the week following that night. But I try that shit in June post-exams, my eczema lost its mind and I woke up with very, very dry skin and the day after that, virtually my whole face had gone horribly red, rashy and weepy. Needless to say, that effectively conditioned me to fear alcohol. Even last week, when I tentatively had 2 drinks for my birthday, it flared moderately for the rest of the week - and it hasn't really recovered since then due to my stress levels. I mean, I'm not a raging alcoholic, but I like the occasional drink now and again and a (very) occasional night out, especially when there's something to celebrate. Not to mention I'm going to Europe at the end of the year - I want to take advantage of that cheap wine! I wish I knew what to do to get it back to being able to cope with alcohol :( it just feels like one more thing it's taken away from me...

Mindfulness

Mindfulness and meditation have grown increasingly popular in modern Western society. One of my lecturers made the sports analogy that meditation is like training, while mindfulness is the big game; you have to train to play well during the game i.e. practising meditation will help you become more mindful. Mindfulness is about being in the present moment, being aware of what you're doing, and acknowledging and accepting your thoughts and feelings without judgment. So what exactly has this meant for me in the context of eczema?

1. It has helped me be less reactive to my feelings

Instead of automatically feeling like shit when my eczema flares and succumbing to the inevitable flood of negative, anxious thoughts, I can put some distance between myself and the horrible feelings. So I may notice that I am feeling anxious and go "right, that's fine" and also notice my physiological reactions (lump in throat, rapid breathing, etc). By breaking it down, I can stop myself from thinking automatically that I'm absolutely consumed by anxiety and then feeling horrible from that. I like to think about it like how I deal with a scary scene in a movie - I find it less frightening when I think about how the producers used elements of music, sound effects, camera angles and lightning to create the scene, instead of automatically engaging in the scene as a whole and feeling absolutely terrified (I'm not good with horror).

2. It has helped me be less obsessive about my eczema

When I find my thoughts are veering down the path of agonising over eczema, I am able to tune in and realise what's going on and consciously go, "well, hang on, I don't want to stew over this. I'm going to decide to think about something else". While it's almost pointless to try and block these thoughts (since that just makes us what to think about it more), it's easier to just take note of the thoughts but not engage with them - like seeing trains of thought (haha) chugging by but choosing not to get on, so to speak. I find that this has been particularly helpful in other areas of my life as well - making the choice not to over-analyse something that someone said actually makes my life a lot easier

Also, acceptance is a big component of mindfulness - so accepting that my eczema may be a chronic condition that will worsen now and again, instead of responding with crazy anxiety every time that happens. This, I'm still working on :)

3. It has helped reduce my habitual scratching 

It helps me be less automatic in my reactions so I can 'think before I scratch', so to speak. This can then have an effect on my night time scratching, which has been extremely hard to deal with since I'm, you know, unconscious. But by being  more controlled and less reactive during the day, I find that this extend to how I behave at night.

4. It helps with relaxation 

Because there's alot of concentration on breathing and paying attention to how you breathe during meditation, it helps me practice deep breathing which I can then use when I notice that I'm anxious and breathing too fast, or when I'm trying to get to sleep but a million thoughts are running through my mind.

Of course, I'm never 100% mindful, and I still do feel anxious and obsess over eczema, and I definitely over-scratch when I'm stress-studying. However, meditation has certainly helped me to not only cope better with eczema but also my anxiety in general. For those who are interested, I would suggest the Smiling Mind app. It's really easy to use and starts off with short practices that ease you into meditation. Being mindful takes time; meditation may feel boring and pointless at first, but with more practice, you will be able to notice the benefits. Of course, meditation isn't for everyone and in that instance, there are plenty of other things you can do to be mindful, like yoga, quiet walks, drawing etc. It's all about being able to concentrate on one activity and noticing everything about doing that activity, instead of trying to multi-task or having your mind drift off to something else.

Anyway, this has been a relatively brief intro mindfulness from a non-expert, but hope it helps :)